I created corona virus. Not literally but let’s go along with it for a moment. Let’s surrender to this moment.
I created Corona virus and not in a lab but in my heart. In the collective consciousness. We each created Corona virus.
I created corona virus to stop pretending. So much of my life was a show. I was acting. Trying to keep up with adulting. I was pretending to keep up. Under the heel of crushing student loans, of a stressful job as a nurse and the increasing demands, of constantly sitting in big city traffic, and housing that is increasingly unaffordable, I was pretending that everything was okay. I was pretending that money would always come in. I think so many of us aren’t and maybe even a good majority of Americans aren’t willing to admit we are living paycheck to paycheck, even those of us that make well over the median annual salary in the US. I created Corona virus to finally see that I was pretending to be, use, buy, and wear, and eat that which I am not.
I created corona virus to stop playing with falsehoods and begin playing in life. My falsehoods that love is not full and everywhere, that abundance is not all around if we chose to look, that I cannot stand in my power, that I am not beautiful and deserving of love, passion, and commitment, that the world is a dark place where love snd human connection don’t exist.
I created corona virus to be alone and to surrender to myself. To be so alone and yet be in such intimate power that my worth becomes more clear.
I’ve been single for a few years now. But being quarantined and having to social distance, I have had to sit alone a lot. Having changed my phone number and cut ties with people that only brought temporary intimacy and comfort and yet no real fulfillment, there has been no one to turn to for cuddling, for a kiss, for the warm embrace of a body, of another human who provides this kind of intimacy that friends and family cannot provide, and it has felt like a more pressing need then ever before as we continue to move through uncertain times.
I created corona virus to sit in loneliness and understand what I truly want in a partnership. As I transition spiritually, gender wise, and thus physically, spending time alone it forces me to really consider the type of partner I want. Being quarantined in Mexico I walk the beaches each morning, and watch the sunset each evening. I go swimming and do morning and evening meditations. Being with someone to also do these things with has become very important to me. Being with someone who sees the beauty of nature and the natural world is important to me. Being with someone who knows how to spend time alone, who can be independent and not always needing my constant stimulation is important to me.
I created Corona virus to ask what kind of community I want. What tables am I sitting at and what conversations am I having at these tables? Who is it that we are sitting with? What energy do they embody? Does that energy moves each closer to our paths, higher, and deeper into healing soul work? Are those tables and communities inclusive and compassionate? Do they embody love?
I created Corona virus:
To be in fear and send it love.
To sit within my truths and my darkness as love both equally.
To connect to humanity in a way I was afraid to before.
P.s. I didn’t create Corona virus but to move from a place of fear and instead to a place of love and healing I want to repurpose it with “ I created Corona virus”
Why did you create Corona virus?